


Batshit Crazy

by BurningBehindMyEyes



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Batfam Dynamics, Gen, craziness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 06:23:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7965940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurningBehindMyEyes/pseuds/BurningBehindMyEyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The definition of batshit crazy, featuring the Batfam.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Batshit Crazy

Things were never really simple in the Bat Family. If you were a part of it, you would be stalked, threatened, have no semblance of privacy, and would honestly sort of hate the rest of the Fam. However, whenever one member of the Fam was threatened by an outsider, the safety was taken off of guns and the batarangs were sharpened to a point. To the rest of the world, the Bat Family was sort of like an exclusive club. Everyone hated each other, some started making out in a broom closet, and there were several people who hung out on the walls and as far away from everyone else as possible. But standing guard at the only entrance to this secret club was a huge man, with bat ears and a black bat symbol on his chest. He was known as Batman. If you were even able to find the Bat Family and realize that despite half of them trying to kill each other constantly, they're still a family, then you may be allowed restricted access. It takes years of commitment and trust to be allowed into the Batfam. There were many members, and honestly, they were all _batshit crazy_. (See what I did there?)

The first was a dark, emotionally constipated man who guarded his family religiously. He was an orphan, and tried as hard as he could to help the rest of his family. The original was an elderly man, distant, but caring nonetheless. With a biting, sarcastic tongue, and a British accent to boot, he was the true commander of the Family. The third was the first child brought into the Family, a young boy by the name of Richard Grayson, and he was another orphan. A circus child, who was known as Robin had his wings clipped the night his parents fell without a net. First there was a crack, a skull crashing against a floor and blood splatters painting the concrete. The second thud followed, the sound of breaking bones and the anguished scream of a child with his heart ripped out. He gained back his child-like mindset in time, but it took several years and a pair of bright green panties to set him straight. Eventually, he left for a messy neighbourhood city and a title of his own. The fourth was another child, built to be the partner of Batman. He grew up in Crime Alley, was hurt all his life, had had no real childhood except pain, punishment, and stealing. After trying to take from Batman, the new Robin was taken in. His name was Jason Todd, and after the young bird flew the coup, all that was left was a grave... until, of course, he was resurrected and became the Red Hood, a vigilante and crime boss that executed criminals. The third and fourth Robins, Timothy Drake and Stephanie Brown helped heal Batman after the second's death. During this time, several others had joined the Bat Family. Barbara Gordan, Cassandra Cain, Katherine Kane, and Catwoman. The family was larger now, and crazier than ever. Things got sort of exploded with the latest addition...

Damian Wayne, biological son of Batman and Talia al Ghul. Grandson to Ra's al Ghul, one of Batman's greatest enemies. He was created in a test tube, a mix of both his parents' DNA. Talia chose the traits she wanted, raised him as an assassin until he was nine, then shipped him off to Batman once more. With Damian in the manor, Batman found the one kid he couldn't handle, Dick found the son he never knew he wanted, Jason found both companionship and competition, while Tim found a whole new reason to start killing. Cass found the reason why she fought to protect those she did, Stephanie found a small child she helped give a childhood back to, and Katherine found another reason to avoid the manor. And Damian? Damian found a family... and several pets. His Great Dane, (his name is Titus) a wonderful and elegant cat, (Alfred.) an intelligent cow, (Bat-Cow) and some sort of demon, man-bat creature. (His name is Goliath!)

The manor is filled to the brim with insane, crazy people. On a normal day, Batman is lecturing first, then yelling at the boys wrestling on the floor, Alfred is shaking his head and sighing heavily, (with a side of sarcastic comments here and there) Dick is protecting Damian with his own body while trying to fend off Jason and Tim (who Damian pissed off... again.) while also squashing Damian so the kid can't escape and make this all worse. Cass is smirking, leaning against a wall and watching the brawl while Steph is outright in stitches on the floor. Katherine is trying to sneak out, (and getting caught by Alfred every time) and Babs is giggling quickly while in her wheelchair. Titus has decided to bark at the boys, Alfred -the cat- looks on with disapproval and crossed front paws as they dangle over the edge of one of his twenty four cat beds, (this one is placed next to the Bat Cave computer) and Bat-Cow is chewing her hay contentedly in the corner while the rest of the Justice League looks on, half in awe and half in horror and all wonder how this crazy family even ended up together, or why they stay together.

But they'll always remember when one member was threatened, and all rose up to beat the shit out of said enemy. The Batfam all in the same place is bad enough, a **pissed off** Batfam all in the same place is enough to bring down the entire Justice League, and then some. You mess with one, you mess with them all. Despite their differences - and the fact that several of them have tried to kill the others - they stay together, and no matter how many times they place knives in each other's backs, they'll always have each other's backs.

It was absolutely batshit crazy. Nonsensical. It didn't obey any logical reasoning, nor did it adhere to any rules about normal family functions.

But it worked.

And to them, that was all that mattered.


End file.
